Why does it seem like everything in my life comes in massive doses? I have heard the phrase "Bad things come in 3's." but, holy shit, they come in 10's or 20's for me. Somewhere along the way I pissed off the big man, and I am pretty sure at this point I am his personal punching bag. Ok, ok, I am being dramatic. God isn't punching me in any way... But maybe he should. Punch me hard enough to knock some sense into me, or beat me onto the right path.
I become single, which in hindsight was probably a blessing in disguise. Add in the fact that I was living with the ex, and had to move back in with mom, and things start looking a little less like a blessing after all. Mom likes to blame me for everything... Things that have nothing to do with me at all... She places the blame on me when it couldn't have possibly been my fault. I could be out of state, and somehow "YOU DID IT." Yes mom, you are right, I pretended to leave town so I could break into your house and steal all of your: Missing pillows, and cameras, and velvet shirts from 1986. It's exciting. It's what I do for fun. I am living a soap opera, without the paychecks.
Speaking of being paid... I haven't been receiving my financial aid checks for some reason. 500 hours was when the last one was due... I am almost to 600 now. The school has no explanation for this, and since the money isn't burdening them at this point they don't seem to care about checking up on it. Asking my mom for gas money is fun, to say the least. I opened some mail today and found an ass load of bills that I am unable to pay. I am about 20,000 in debt, and that's not counting my student loans, which add up to 18,000. 25 years old and 40,000 in debt. How is that even possible? I'll tell you how... Acting like a dumb ass when you are 18 years old and racking up credit card debt buying stupid CRAP that you didn't need. So, all of this has been weighing on me and I finally snap.
I start ranting and raving like a serious lunatic in the kitchen, where my mother and grandfather are trying to make dinner.
"There is no possible way I will ever be able to pay this off! I am going to school to be a hair stylist, and unless Oprah wants me to style her weave, I will never make the money to survive, much less pay off all these bills!"
Mom, and grandpa are laughing, because apparently they do not think I am being serious... They don't even stop what they are doing to look at me. This shows how disfunctional this house really is. Someone is acting like a mentally unstable maniac and you don't even look up from breading the shrimp to see what's going on. So what do I do? SHOCK VALUE THE SHIT OUT OF THEM.
"I am going to have to move to Nevada and work on the Bunny Ranch as a prostitute. I will fuck dirty old truckers for 1,000 a pop until my debt is payed off. I will see you two in a year. If I don't come back, it's because I had to develop a severe drug addiction to numb the internal pain of selling my body to pay off all the shoes and McDonalds purchases I made when I was 18, OR because I contracted aids and went to overdose on meth in the desert rather than face you again!"
Grandpa starts laughing so hard he chokes on a cheeto, and then manages to say "When I was in NAM, 25 was OLD for a prostitute."
WOW, really grandpa?! I don't even stand a chance to fuck old dirty truckers for money now, because I am too old?! Cool, really cool. I guess I should thank him though, because he helped me to come up with my prostitution slogan. "I may be 25 years old but I look 18."
I am sure that you are concerned at this point. Unsure whether or not I am being serious about selling my body for money, to lonely truck drivers in the middle of nowhere. I will take this time to reassure you that I am not intending on doing that. After all, I am smart enough to know that if I worked at the Bunny Ranch, the madam would end up taking 70% of the money, and I would end up having to sell my body for 10 years to pay off 40,000.
Long story short, I am fucked... Without being fucked by old men. I will not make this worse on myself.
Is anyone in need of a 40 dollar haircut? I only need to do 1,000 of them to make this all go away... :)
