Happy Thanksgiving to all of you who had one. I had a piece of shit Thanksgiving.
I can see my dad reading this right now and saying "Boo Hoo, everyone isn't out to get you. Everything isn't about you." Guess what dad, sometimes it is about me. Like when you turn a day that is supposed to be about family and being thankful into a day where you tear me down and make me feel worthless. Next time you think about telling me how UNthankful you are to have me as a child, do it the way other unthankful parents do it, and just don't invite me over.
Everything starts off as a joke at my dad's house. My dad and I talk about serious issues using humor, and apparently my step-mom has no sense of humor, because she can take a joke and turn it into an attack in 3.5 seconds. Somehow joking around about the oh so talented "Manning" family turned into an argument about what a piece of shit I am.
"When I was your age, I was married, owned a house and had kids." Congratulations, that seemed to work out wonderfully for you didn't it? "Three of our 4 kids have been married and divorced by the age of 24." Did you ever stop to think that MAYBE your shitty ass first marriages had something to do with that?
Ah, fuck it, and fuck you. I don't even want to continue with this. I don't want to play the blame game. It's a waste of my time.
To answer your text I just received dad, "Are you having a GREAT day at school?". The answer is NO. I am not having a great day at school. I didn't go to school today. BECAUSE I AM A LOSER, and I am too busy feeling sorry for myself and I don't need to hear it from you. I am intelligent enough to know what I am doing, I just don't give a shit.
The situation you experienced is probably one of the main reasons I dread the holidays. Remember this. The only persons perspective of you you need to be concerned with is yours. I mean of coarse we all care about what others think and feel towards us but in the end it is about you. Not them and what they think. I had a similar situation recently with my mother. I told her" I love you mom but honestly I have better shit to think about then irrelevant bullshit. I am not you and my agenda is nothing comparable to yours when you were my age in a world completely different then the one we are in now".
ReplyDeleteWe can't expect people to support us %100 of the time. Hold your head up and when you are the only one on your team be aware of who you really are and forget the rest.
Even though I think your dumb sometimes it doesn't mean I think your worthless by any means. You got mad talent. Life is a journey. If you want it to be a journey of making others happy then good luck. That's a journey on expert.