Sick and surrounded by Stupid

I have been laying in bed all day long sicker than a dog. I have the worst headache, and insane amounts of congestion. I'm getting used to our new cable t.v. I never realised how spoiled we were when we had directv. I can't pause anything, record anything, and I am forced to watch commercials for the first time in over a year. I forgot how absolutely ridiculous some of them can be.

Infomercials are the worst. Some of the things they try to sell you are so beyond stupid it really makes me wonder what kind of idiots are racing to the phone to order these things.

Example 1: The SMORE maker. It's a plastic box that you put a marshmallow and a piece of chocolate in between a couple gram crackers, microwave it for a minute, then pull it out of the microwave and then push down on the top of it to mush your smore together. WHY IN THE HELL would any right minded person pay 20 dollars for this device? The only thing it does FOR YOU is push the top cracker down. Why would you not understand that it would work the same way if you pushed it down yourself. One finger and barely any pressure at all and you can mush your own smore. Morons...

Example 2: Sit down abs. The commercial claims that you can "sit on your butt and tone your abs"... It's a inflatable disk looking thing that basically puts you off balance while you are sitting on it, so you are moving around trying to stay upright, and supposedly toning your abs while doing it. They show people using it at the office, at home on the couch, and at one point even someone driving with this thing under their ass. How can that possibly be safe? Trying to drive around town with some off balance balloon under your ass... Idiots. Let's bring up another important point. The ONLY people who are going to be interested in toning their abs by sitting on their butt are fat people. What the infomercial doesn't tell you is that if you are fat, this off balance balloon isn't going to do anything for you. What is the point of toning the muscle underneath your huge muffin top/fupa? Let me answer that for you, there is no point. You will still be fat. You must do cardio AKA get off your ass.

Has anyone bought anything off an infomercial that was actually useful and worth the money? I find it hard to believe that something like that actually exists...

Playing pretend with Austyn

I go to school with a crazy red-headed virgin named Austyn. I will give her a small amount of credit by saying that she is definitely the coolest virgin I have ever met, wait, let’s be honest, she is the ONLY virgin I know. How she has made it to 20 years old without making a huge mistake with some football player named Jake is beyond me. Kudos Austyn. Gold star for you.

We are partnering on a school project right now. A project that is taking FOREVER in my opinion. We have to create a SALON from the ground up. We are graded on like 10 things, and so far my partner Austyn is proving that she would be a wonderful interior designer, but really stinks at sticking to the “plan”. We have yet to do ANYTHING that we will really be graded on, other than naming the salon and coming up with a pretend address. Today, she is once again focusing on the FURNITURE, WALLPAPER, WOOD FLOORING, and everything else nonsensical that won’t be graded. So finally, she is showing me pictures of these things, and I stop her to say:

“Let’s try focusing on some of the things on the list that we will be graded on.”

to which she replies,

“I NEED YOU TO APPROVE THESE IDEAS and make sure you like them!”

I get a really serious look on my face and say,

“Austyn, if I do not like the decor of our pretend salon, I will wait until you go on pretend vacation, and pretend remodel it.”

Problem solved. I can’t blame her for being an overachiever… In fact, in some weird way I look up to her, because she has yet to soil her youth and her future with alcohol, trashy men, and countless failed projects. I will try to be more patient, and I will even look kindly at her wallpaper swatches and exude a few “oooooh’s and ahhhhhhhh’s”.

Back to work… If we don’t get 100% on this, I will be seriously surprised.